What Do Burnt Biscuits Have to Do With Marriage?
Dr. Debi Gilmore, LMFT
Years ago I came upon a story and to this day I have not found the name of the original author. But the story struck me as such a powerful example of patience and flexibility in marriage. The author recalled her mother’s love of making breakfast for dinner every once in a while. She remembered one night in particular when her mother made breakfast after a very long, hard day at work.
That evening, her mother placed a plate of eggs, sausage and extremely burned biscuits in front of her father. The little girl wondered if anyone, including her father, would say anything. She was surprised to see her dad reach for the biscuit, smile at his daughter and ask how her day was at school. The little girl responded while watching him spread butter and jelly on the burned biscuit, and promptly eating the entire thing along with any remaining crumbs.
When the little girl got up to leave the table, she remembered hearing her mother apologize to her dad for burning the biscuits. What she heard her father say was deeply touching and memorable. He said, “Honey, I love burned biscuits.”
Later that evening, when the little girl went to kiss her daddy good night, she asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. She said, “Daddy, burned biscuits are awful! Do you really like them that way?” He wrapped her tightly in his arms and whispered, “Your mother put in a hard day at work today, and she is so tired… besides, a little burned biscuit never hurt anyone!” The little girl looked up at her father and saw a gentle expression and a twinkle in his eyes. She thought for a moment and slipped off his lap with a look of contemplation.
The little girl learned a significant lesson about marriage that day. She learned the power of kindness, patience, and flexibility, and how imperfect people can actually express love in the midst of human error. Learning to accept other’s faults and imperfections, and instead choosing to celebrate differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship.
Life is full of imperfect things and experiences, and marriage is made up of imperfect people. A healthy relationship requires us to be tolerant and accepting of imperfect people, and to trust that the same tolerance and acceptance will likewise be extended to us. Imagine how different the situation would have been if the burned biscuit sparked criticism and contempt. Instead, that day this little girl’s father taught her that what is most important in marriage is to highlight the best in our partner, and patiently overlook imperfections.
