The Antidote to Personal Pain
Dr. Debi Gilmore LMFT
Astronaut Gordon Cooper, while orbiting the earth over 30 years ago, offered this sweet and simple prayer of thanks: “Father, thank You, especially for letting me fly this flight. Thank You for the privilege of being able to be in this position: to be up in this wondrous place, seeing all these many startling, wonderful things that You have created” (Congressional Record, 88th Cong., 1st sess., 1963, 109, pt. 7:9156.)
Sometimes we become so overwhelmed with our challenges and trials, we are blinded to our own gifts and blessings, and we can even become blinded to the pain of those around us. The pain can consume our daily lives, and prevent us from finding the relief and peace we long for. While it might be counterintuitive, research has found that serving others can be healing for both the person providing the service and the recipients. Science tells us that reaching outside ourselves in the midst of our own pain is linked to benefits of helping others, in terms of mental, physical, and emotional well-being.
When we can zoom out and look beyond our own pain to see the heartache and suffering of others, it unlocks our ability to experience a sweet and comforting sense of compassion that can soften our heart, soothe our pain, and increase our own healing process. Almost instantly, our own pain can diminish and is replaced with merciful peace and the joy of easing another’s burden. Yes, serving others can indeed be healing for both the person providing the service and the recipients.
Here are some ways in which serving others can be healing:
Sense of Purpose: Helping others can give individuals a sense of purpose and fulfillment, which can contribute to their overall well-being and happiness.
Connection: Serving others can create a sense of connection and belonging to a community or group, which can be emotionally fulfilling.
Stress Reduction: Engaging in acts of kindness and service can release endorphins, which are natural mood lifters, and reduce stress.
Perspective Shift: Helping others can provide a broader perspective and a sense of gratitude for one's own life circumstances, which can be healing in terms of personal growth and emotional well-being.
Enhanced Self-Esteem: Acts of service can boost self-esteem and self-worth as individuals see the positive impact they can make in the lives of others.
Building Positive Relationships: Serving others can help individuals build meaningful and positive relationships, which are crucial for emotional healing and support.
There is an increasing amount of research and numerous studies that have revealed the power of serving and connecting with others. These studies are finding that serving others influences the release of a “healing balm” of comforting hormones in our body that directly impacts our mental health, resulting in overall well-being. The act of serving has been found to have remarkable healing properties. Serving others elevates our mood and lifts our spirits. Reaching outside of our own pain and heartache can lift us from the despair of our own challenges. Serving others is a catalyst for bonding us together and expands our capacity to love others in a deeper sense.
THE DECLINE IN MENTAL HEALTH AND WELL-BEINGIt is important to note that those who study the well-being of humans are reporting statistics that are completely parallel to what I am seeing in my work. The following is an excerpt from a recent report released by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) revealing a startling increase in depression and anxiety over the past few decades.
• More than 21 million adults experienced at least one major depressive episode in the past year.
• Depression is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. among people ages 15-44 (https://www.nimh.nih.gov)
Major studies are finding that loneliness and isolation directly impacts our physical health and triggers serious mental health complications. Over time this can result in serious medical issues. Medical professionals are beginning to connect the dots between physical calamities and chronic illness, which correlates to a decline in mental health and overall well-being. As the saying goes, “Numbers don’t lie.”
• Loneliness raises blood pressure to the point where the risk of heart attack and stroke is doubled (Hawkley, 2006)
• Emotional isolation is a health risk more dangerous than smoking or high blood pressure (Hawkley & Colleagues, 2010).
• In men and women aged 65 and older, social disconnection and a subjective sense of isolation lead to depression (Cacioppo & Cacioppo, 2014.)
• In high school students, isolation and loneliness predicts depression, anxiety, eating disorders, suicidal ideation, and self-harm (Loades & Colleagues, 2020).
The Antidote to the Epidemic—Serving Others
What is the good news? Serving others is a connecting experience—and one that promotes higher levels of well-being and increases our ability to feel gratitude. Serving others promotes physical, emotional, and spiritual healing, and directly addresses the epidemic statistics previously mentioned.
As a therapist, I often have the unique opportunity to work with trauma survivors. In this important process, my primary quest is to help them heal and to regain the confidence they have lost. I also work to help them avoid the bitterness and apathy that can be a result of prolonged PTSD symptoms. Consistent with what research has revealed, and after an appropriate passage of time and treatment, I invite them to seek out someone to serve. I invite them to engage in lifting and building others and to immerse themselves in a cause. Why? Because studies have found that deeper meaning and purpose and true healing of our souls can be found through serving others.
Often, when we are suffering or facing a tumultuous time in our own lives—we are tempted to disconnect and isolate from others. This is a very normal response to tragedy and turmoil; however, prolonged isolation and loneliness can be damaging and detrimental to our journey to find peace and rest from the turmoil we face.
Victor Frankl—A Holocaust Survivor and Compassionate Servant
Viktor Frankl was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist and a Holocaust survivor. In 1942, Frankl and his parents, wife, and brother were arrested and sent to a concentration camp. In the course of 3 years, he was moved to 4 different concentrations camps, including Auschwitz.
While imprisoned, Frankl began to notice many of the prisoners became deeply despondent and so depressed they became suicidal. He watched as they would attempt to take their own lives. Frankl and fellow prisoners made an effort to address the despondency they observed in other inmates. In an effort to prevent suicide attempts, Frankl and others tried to help the despondent inmates facing severe depression by encouraging them to reflect on positive memories, scenes, and thoughts. His efforts proved powerful, and as a result, Frankl saved numerous lives.
What was most remarkable about this process is not only the blessed emotional support he offered the despondent prisoners, but Frankl himself was strengthened and sustained as a result of his loving service to others. In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, he describes his observations of others in the camp who had lost hope:
“Those who lost hope seemed to succumb to infection and the effects of malnutrition more readily than those who had a clear and compelling motivation for survival. What he found, was that identifying meaning and serving others in the midst of one’s suffering can be a protective factor against despair and hopelessness, even under the direst of circumstances.”
He talked about a prison guard who would periodically risk his own life to serve Frankl. At certain intervals, the prison guard would secretly slip him a piece of bread. If either were caught in this act, both the prison guard and Frankl would have been killed. I believe that in that moment of service, both Frankl and the Prison Guard were lifted and edified. Frankl talked about the impact of this tremendous act of service:
“It was far more than the small piece of bread which moved me to tears at the time. It was the human “something” that this man gave to me – the word and look which accompanied the gift.”
Serving Others is Healing for Body, Mind, and Spirit
Studies show that serving others can actually boost our physical and mental health. One study found what they termed a “helper’s high.” They found that during service-oriented behaviors, participants experienced a hormonal release of “feel good” brain chemicals including serotonin, a mood regulator; dopamine, a feel-good chemical; and oxytocin, considered to be the compassion and bonding hormone.
Additionally, studies found significant health benefits of service including lower blood pressure, increased self-worth, decreased levels of depression and anxiety, and greater levels of reported well-being, happiness, and satisfaction with life. When we step outside of our own personal pain, and step into the act of serving another, we are assuming a role of a torchbearer, an angel of mercy, and an instrument of healing. Not only are acts of service an act of mercy and love, but serving others selflessly is a reciprocal experience. When we give, we receive so much more in return.
It's important to note that the healing effect of serving others can vary from person to person, and the extent to which it is healing may depend on the specific circumstances and motivations behind the service. Genuine and selfless acts of service tend to be more healing compared to those motivated by external rewards or recognition.
Ultimately, serving others can be a source of personal growth, fulfillment, and healing, and it is a value and principle that, when practiced regularly, contributes to personal resilience and a greater measure of inner strength to face our own challenges as they appear throughout our lives.
References
Cacioppo, J. T., & Cacioppo, S. (2013). Older adults reporting social isolation or loneliness show poorer cognitive function 4 years later. Evidence Based Nursing, 17(2), 59–60. https://doi.org/10.1136/eb-2013-101379
Hawkley, L. C., Masi, C. M., Berry, J. D., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2006). Loneliness is a unique predictor of age-related differences in systolic blood pressure. Psychology and Aging, 21(1), 152–164. https://doi.org/10.1037/0882-7974.21.1.152
Hawkley, L. C., Thisted, R. A., Masi, C. M., & Cacioppo, J. T. (2010). Loneliness predicts increased blood pressure: 5-year cross-lagged analyses in middle-aged and older adults. Psychology and Aging, 25(1), 132–141. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0017805
Loades, M., Chatburn, E., Higson-Sweeney, N., Reynolds, S., Shafran, R., Brigden, A., Linney, C., McManus, M., Borwick, C., & Crawley, E. (2020). Rapid systematic review: The impact of social isolation and loneliness on the mental health of children and adolescents in the context of covid-19. Journal of the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 59(11), 1218–1239.e3. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jaac.2020.05.009
