CONQUERING SOCIAL ANXIETY

Dr. Debi Gilmore LMFT

Conquering social anxiety is a gradual process that often involves a combination of gaining knowledge and an understandng of the disorder, self-help strategies, and professional support. Here are some effective steps to help you manage and overcome social anxiety:

1. Understand Your Anxiety

First, identify the triggers that cause you to feel anxious about being with others. Pay attention to situations that cause your anxiety. Understanding when and why you feel anxious can help you prepare better. Once you have identified those triggers, begin to challenge the thoughts that drive your anxiety. Social anxiety often involves negative thought patterns like assuming others are judging you. Recognize these thoughts and replace them with more realistic perspectives.

 2. Gradual Exposure

It is important to start slow and small. Don’t jump into highly social situations right away. Start with smaller, less intimidating interactions and gradually increase your exposure.

Next, set achievable goals that are incremental in challenge. Break down larger social challenges into smaller, manageable steps. For example, start by saying hello to someone, then work up to having a short conversation.

3. Practice Relaxation Techniques

 Most people do not think about their breathing patterns, and in stressful situations, we tend to slip into shallow breathing. This causes the heart rate to pick up, and can increase blood pressure. Practice deep breathing to calm your body in anxious moments.

Mindfulness and meditation should be practiced daily. Mindfulness helps keep you grounded in the present moment and reduces overthinking. Staying present, or “in the here and now” is key in fostering more calm and conquering anxiety.

4. Shift Focus Outward

Focus your attention on others and their internal experience. Try to imagine what they are feeling, particularly when you are with someone who is in physical or emotional pain.  Instead of focusing on how you’re feeling or how you’re coming across, shift your attention to others. Listen actively in conversations and show genuine interest in what they’re saying.

5. Challenge Social Fears

People are prone to rely on assumptions, which often are far from the truth. When you feel anxious, ask yourself whether your fears are based on facts or assumptions. Are people really judging you? Is the worst-case scenario likely to happen?

One way to overcome assumptions is to role-play specific scenarios with someone. Practice difficult conversations or scenarios with a friend or even in front of a mirror. This can help you feel more prepared.

6. Improve Social Skills

Sometimes, social anxiety stems from feeling unprepared for social interactions. Work on small talk, body language, and maintaining eye contact.

Every community has social anxiety support groups, and are often listed online for convenience. Join a group or community that helps people with social anxiety or focuses on a hobby you enjoy. This gives you a built-in conversation topic.

7. Seek Professional Help

Seeking the help of a trained expert will ensure you are consistently learning and practicing empirically supported strategies. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective treatments for social anxiety. It helps you identify and challenge irrational thoughts, gradually exposing you to social situations. Some levels of social anxiety are so extreme and chronic that medication may be suggested to assist you. If your social anxiety is severe, medication may help reduce symptoms. Talk to a doctor to explore this option.

8. Be Patient and Persistent

Don’t forget to celebrate little milestones and victories along the way. Acknowledge small wins and celebrate every step forward, no matter how small. Each social interaction is progress. Also, offer yourself compassion and don’t expect perfection. Understand that it’s okay to feel anxious sometimes. Focus on improving rather than eliminating all anxiety.

EXERCISE: GRADUAL EXPOSURE THROUGH A FEAR LADDER

One specific exercise you can try is “Gradual Exposure through a Fear Ladder”. This exercise helps you gradually face social situations that make you anxious, starting with the least anxiety-provoking ones and working up to the more challenging ones.

FEAR LADDER EXERCISE

1. Identify Social Situations That Make You Anxious

List specific situations that trigger your social anxiety. These can range from mild to severe.

For example:

Saying hello to a neighbor.

Asking a stranger for directions.

Attending a small gathering.

Giving a presentation at work or in class.

2. Rank Them by Difficulty

Arrange the situations from least to most anxiety-inducing. This will be your “fear ladder.”

Here are some examples:

1.  Sending a text to a friend.

2. Saying hello to a neighbor.

3. Asking a stranger for directions.

4. Attending a small social gathering.

5. Giving a short speech or presentation.

3. Start with the Easiest Task

 Begin with the least anxiety-provoking situation on your list. The idea is to get comfortable with each situation before moving on to the next.

Example: Start by sending a text to a friend. Focus on how you feel and practice staying calm.

4. Use Relaxation Techniques

 Before and during each step, use deep breathing, mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation to manage your anxiety.

Example: Take 5 slow, deep breaths before sending a text. After sending it, pay attention to how you feel, and remind yourself of your success.

5. Gradually Move Up the Ladder

Once you feel more comfortable with the first task, move on to the next. Practice each step until it feels less anxiety-inducing before progressing.

Example: After sending a few texts, try saying hello to your neighbor the next time you see them. Keep practicing until it feels more natural.

6. Keep a Journal

 Track your progress and note how you felt before, during, and after each step. This helps you see how your anxiety changes over time.

Example: “I felt nervous before saying hello to my neighbor, but after I did, I felt relieved. Next time I see them, I’ll try to ask how they’re doing.”

7. Celebrate Your Successes

 Acknowledge your progress, no matter how small. Each step is a victory in overcoming your anxiety.

Why This Exercise Works

This gradual exposure helps desensitize you to the situations that cause anxiety. By breaking them down into manageable steps, you can build confidence over time without overwhelming yourself.