Forgiveness: A Noble Gift We Offer Others (and Ourselves)

Sampled from the book, Conquering Your Inner Critic: The Barrier to Fulfilling Relationships with Self, Others, and God

by Dr. Debi Gilmore LMFT

Forgiving others can be one of our biggest challenges as we strive to heal from wounds we’ve received. But this healing process must happen for us to move forward with our lives.

The Lord teaches that He requires us to forgive. However, I must emphasize that forgiveness doesn’t mean condoning actions which hurt us. Forgiveness when we take back our power to determine how we feel about ourselves. Sometimes, our greatest struggle in our healing is to walk away from the resentment, bitterness, or apathy we feel as a result of someone else’s choices. Mary A. Wright, Second Counselor in the Primary General Presidency, once spoke about forgiveness. She emphasized that even though it’s a commandment, forgiving others takes time, courage, and humility. She said:

“The Lord teaches us that forgiving others is a universal commandment: “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” Extending forgiveness can take tremendous courage and humility. It can also take time. It requires us to put our faith and trust in the Lord as we assume accountability for the condition of our hearts. Here lies the significance and power of our agency... the Savior emphasized that forgiveness is one of the noblest gifts we can give one another and most specifically ourselves. Unburdening our hearts through forgiveness isn’t always easy, but through the enabling power of Jesus Christ, it is possible.”

It can help to think of forgiveness as something we must offer to find healing ourselves. Forgiving others provides clarity of mind, a new direction, and to fully heal. However, forgiveness might not be available or even possible in this phase of our healing. Instead, keep your soul open to an eventual offering of forgiveness; when you feel ready to forgive, allow that feeling to enter and grow. Acknowledge your new, miraculous capacity to forgive. Often, this change signals a deeper emotional healing.

There’s no timetable for this deeper healing process. But when we exercise faith and trust in our Savior, Jesus Christ, He enables and assists us to find eventual forgiveness for others. He will walk with us, pick up our heavy yoke, and help us offer ourselves acceptance, patience, and self-compassion.