From a Mother Who Knows: CREATING SAFETY FOR SUFFERING SOULS

By Sharilyn Green

My heart is sensitive and tender not only for our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters, but for widows (especially young widows), singles and those suffering with mental health challenges and the impact a religious culture can have on their experience, all of which I am intimately acquainted with in my own family.  

• How do we create greater safety for those who are on a faith journey?  

• How do we best honor the journey of a fellow traveler with greater awareness, respect, and humility?

• How do we sit with someone in a way that helps them feel the Savior’s grace and love in their lives no matter where their decisions take them?   

As I consider these questions, I have found the following 7 principles to be most helpful: 

1. Create greater safety and understanding in our faith communities so that people can come and be “with” community in authentic ways that assist their faith journeys, not shame them. Have the courage to speak up and course correct when this isn’t happening well.

2. Create environments in our homes and in our faith communities where it is not only safe to talk about hard things but encouraged so that we can find answers, support, and love.  When fear prevails, and no one feels safe to talk, we eliminate solutions, support, and resources.  Be transparent appropriately about challenges.  Put down the mask of pride. 

3. Be aware of and sensitive to the pain in people’s lives that religion and culture can create.

4. Listen, listen, listen to people’s experience.  Listen again.  I have been taught so much by others when I just listen. 

5. Be respectful.  Respect for the experiences of others provides unity and love even when there isn’t agreement. 

6. Honor and trust the journey of others without judgment.  Christ is the Savior, not us. 

7. Be a fierce conduit of God’s love so others can feel His love for them.  Minister to and heal wounds the best you can in the Savior’s ways.  How holy is my land?  Focus on holiness in your life, not judgment of the lives of others. 

Two small faith principles of my own that have served me well.

As a mother with two LGBTQ+ children, I have become very comfortable with the therapeutic term of “holding space” for someone or something you may not fully understand or agree with and what I am currently doing with things I can’t reconcile right now regarding our church and LGBTQ+ issues. 

There is still so much we don’t understand.  In a lot of situations, we wait on the Lord for answers and direction, and I love the teaching that this is sacred space, even “urgently needed developmental space” (Maxwell, 1990) where we wrestle for answers and experience change that simply can’t happen in us overnight or in any other way.   Sitting in this “holding space “has allowed me to find great peace and stability.  I have also been blessed with a sincere trust that God will consecrate the “infuriating unfairness” (Renlund, 2021) of our mortal experiences to our gain and that all experience is of great value. 

Finally, I have always loved S. Michael Wilcox’s object lesson about a math compass with two feet.  One foot is called the “fixed foot’ and the other is called the “searching foot”.  This simple compass illustrates the way we can expand our circle of knowledge and truth with a searching foot while remaining firmly planted or fixed in one’s own spirituality or religion in the process (Wilcox, 2012). 

This principle has guided me greatly over the years as I have yearned to understand more from all of God’s children whom he loves and the principles and practices that bless them.  I think this can also apply to a faith journey:  one-foot searches for answers while the other foot remains planted in a place of stability until a new grounding faith is found and the compass can be safely and intentionally moved.

It is my hope that these principles and ideas will clarify your journey and assist you in offering love and support to those who so desperately need acceptance, belonging, comfort, and ultimately find a greater sense of peace and direction.

References

Maxwell, N. A. (1990, April 2). "Endure it well". The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1990/04/endure-it-well?lang=eng

Renlund, D. G. (2021, April 3). Infuriating unfairness. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2021/04/25renlund?lang=eng 

 Wilcox, S. M. (2012). 10 Great souls I want to meet in heaven. Deseret Book.