Finding Rest in the midst of adversity
Dr. Debi Gilmore, LMFT
I am so grateful for this opportunity to speak to you today about a topic that is so important to me. I approach this topic today with sensitivity and humility for important reasons. I am aware there are many gathered for this conference who may be immersed in the painful adversities of life. There may be some who have been hit so hard that their faith is fragile. Therefore, it is my prayer that you will feel my love, my compassion, my testimony, and faith, and that the Spirit will touch each of our hearts with an added measure of peace, direction, and clarity.
I, and many of my colleagues, share a deep concern about the overall well-being of humans.
WHY? The National Institute of Mental Health recently released a report with startling statistics.
More than 21 million adults in the US experienced at least one major depressive episode in the past year
Depression is the leading cause of disability in the US among people aged 15 to 44
Isolation and Loneliness has grown to epidemic levels, and is directly correlated with chronic anxiety, depression and addictions
You might ask what is contributing to this decline in well-being? I would like to propose a different, and maybe better question. “What is missing?” This is what I will address today in my message for you.
If loneliness and longing to feel valued and loved by the Savior is your story, then this message is for you. If you have ever found yourself feeling hopeless and lost… wondering where to turn, then this message is for you. If you have ever been touched by the pain of adversity, then this message is for you. I believe that should cover just about everyone.
In the second paragraph of The Family: A Proclamation to the World, we are taught about the nature of what we experienced before we came to this earth. We learn that we are BELOVED spirit sons and daughters of our Heavenly Mother and our Heavenly Father. We are taught that we had immediate access to comfort and security from our Heavenly parents, and from each other.
Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf said:
“Long, long ago, even before we were born, in an age dimmed by time and clouded from memory, we too were invited to embark on an adventure. It was proposed by God, our Heavenly Father. Accepting this adventure would mean leaving the comfort and security of His immediate presence.
There it is! Immediate access to comfort and security from our Heavenly Parents and from each other.
Elder Uchtdorf continued: It would mean coming to earth for a journey filled with unknown danger and trial. We knew it would not be easy. But we also knew that we would gain precious treasures, including a physical body and experiencing the intense joys and sorrows of mortality. We would learn to strive, to seek, and to struggle. We would discover truths about God and ourselves.”
(Your Great Adventure, October 2019 General Conference)
I wonder… at times do you feel heavy laden… burdened with an aching heart, and longing for rest? No one is exempt, and I would imagine if I had a chance to sit with any one of you and look into your souls, I might be overwhelmed with pain and deepest empathy.
After years of working in the field of mental health I have witnessed the greatest of souls having to face heartbreaking struggles with anxiety, depression, and other forms of mental illness. They usually admit that it was very difficult to reach out for help. Sometimes they will tell me they feel utterly forsaken by God.
They might tell me they can’t feel the Savior’s love and compassion that others are somehow able to feel.
If that loneliness and longing to feel valued and loved by the Savior is your story, this message is for you. If you have found yourself feeling hopeless and lost… wondering where to turn, this message is for you.”
Elder Kent F. Richards was a remarkably successful physician prior to his call to serve as a General Authority in the First Quorum of the Seventy. Many years ago, he found himself in a hospital bed as the patient instead of the physician, and he was in excruciating pain. He had time to ponder on the adversities of life, and in a General Conference talk he discussed the fact that we cannot navigate this world without the loving companionship and help of the Savior. He said:
Much of our suffering is not necessarily our fault. Unexpected events, contradicting or disappointing circumstances, interrupting illness, and even death surround us and penetrate our mortal experience. Additionally, we may suffer afflictions because of the actions of others. Opposition is part of Heavenly Father’s plan of happiness. We all encounter enough to bring us to an awareness of our Father’s love and of our need for the Savior’s help. The Savior is not a silent observer. He Himself knows personally and infinitely the pain we face.
(“The Atonement Covers All Pain, April General Conference, 2011)
Elder Richards listed many types of adversities that we all face amid our earthly quest and as a part of Heavenly Father’s Plan of Happiness. However, there is another important factor contributing to the decline in the well-being of humans across the world.
We are currently in what I like to call a “Modern Day World War.” The Adversary is hard at work using his greatest tools such as distractions, self-doubt, and direct attacks on our most important relationships—our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with others, and our relationship with God. He does not want us to remember who we really are. He does not want us to be aware of our Divine Nature, our Divine Identity, and our Divine Destiny.
I want to be clear in that I am not suggesting the Adversary is the author of mental illness, and I am not suggesting he is the author of all adversity. The way the Adversary works is that he waits until we have been hit hard with challenges and trials, and then when we are in our weak moments and exhausted, he then comes in to knock us off our feet and tries to pull us into discouragement, despair, fear, and doubt.
Research has found that traumatic or painful events directly impact our mental health and can rob us of self-confidence. In my clinical work, I have had the opportunity to sit with the greatest of souls who are facing heartbreaking struggles with anxiety, depression, and other forms of mental illness. They almost always say it took a tremendous amount of courage to reach out for help. Sometimes they tell me they feel forsaken by God. Sometimes they tell me they long to feel the Savior’s love and healing, but it seems everyone else can access it while they cannot.
I respond to them with this: “Of course... this makes perfect sense.” Why? Because when we are in the deepest of pain, sometimes it can blind us from recognizing the Lord’s hand and influence in our lives.
While we may be far away from our Heavenly Home, we are not expected to face our adversities alone. Our loving Heavenly Father has established a powerful bridge that connects us to our Heavenly Home. That bridge of connection is through our Savior, Jesus Christ.
THIS IS WHAT I BELIEVE IS MISSING FOR SO MANY IN THIS WORLD AND CONTRIBUTING TO THE DECLINE IN WELL-BEING.
I bear solemn witness that the healing balm of our Savior’s Atonement is available to you and me, right now... in this moment. It is not like a gift that can only be opened once a year on a special occasion. It is not a gift that is reserved only for those who are worthy or who have proven themselves to be perfect. It is a miraculous gift that is available to you and me, right now... in this moment.
Every time I think about what the Savior did for you and me, I am overcome with awe. He did not have to suffer. He could have known, through revelation, how to comfort us. But what is so remarkable to me is that the Savior chose to learn by His own personal experience. During His mortal life, Christ chose to experience yours and my pains and afflictions so He could more deeply know and understand us... more perfectly and completely.
Alma prophesied that “he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and … he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. …That his bowels may be filled with mercy, … that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.”
The Savior is sometimes referred to as, The Balm of Gilead. What is the “Balm of Gilead?” This balm comes from several herbs that are part of the mint family of plants. The balm of Gilead was used anciently as a healing ointment and was considered a myrrh-like resin/chemical compound found in the Arabian Peninsula, east of the Jordan River. It was used as a powerful and precious healing medicine. The balm was known to be combined with other ingredients to increase its potency, for solving chest congestion, swelling, or damage to the skin. Inflammation is what the balm of Gilead is used most for, presently, especially for sunburns or arthritis.
Sometimes in the depth of our emotional and mental health struggles we might be tempted to ask, “Where is my Balm of Gilead? Is there a physician who can take my pain away?”
Yes... Yes, through the power of the Savior’s great Atoning sacrifice. The Lord has promised He will not forsake us!
So, now you might ask:
How is it done? For whom?
How can I KNOW He is there for me?
What is required to qualify for the grace and healing relief of the Atonement?
Do we have to earn the Savior’s love and help?”
You may be familiar with the invitation from our Savior found in Matthew 11:28-29.
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my ayoke upon you, and blearn of me; for I am cmeek and dlowly in eheart: and ye shall find frest unto your souls. For my yoke is aeasy, and my burden is light.
In my personal worship, I read this passage and hear something deeply personal and comforting. I hear it the following way:
Come unto me, (Debi, because I know you labour and are heavy laden), and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you (and I will walk WITH you), and learn of me (because I know you); for I am (humble and I am here for you): and you shall find rest unto your soul. For (I have already suffered your pains, and now) my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Come unto me...)
I invite you to consider personalizing this, and other scriptural passages similarly, so that you can more deeply feel the Savior’s love for you. Sometimes in the midst of our their most emotionally painful moments, people may be tempted to withdraw and push others away. I counsel those seeking my help to do the opposite. I counsel them to connect. This may be the most important thing I share with you today. I counsel people to connect and reach out for help for a very important reason.
We know that the Savior works His mighty miracles through others. I call them “angels on this side of the veil.” I have been the recipient of precious moments of loving kindness from these “angels.” They are torchbearers, carrying our lantern of light when we cannot carry our own. Initially, this may be the only way you will feel the Savior’s love; through the loving connection of others serving as instruments in the Lord’s hands.
This includes seeking professional help when the help of loved ones and trusted others is not enough.
I would like to suggest a simple exercise:
As I suggested earlier, the pain of our afflictions, and distractions of this world can block our ability to feel the Savior’s healing balm of love. I invite you to remove the distractions of life by taking simple steps. Find your “pause button” of life and press it. Find a quiet and peaceful place away from distractions. Consider a simple prayer that begins with: “Please help me...”
Then listen for the whisperings of the Spirit. Please watch for moments when others come into your life... they may be acting on promptings based on your plea to heaven. The sweetest message from a trusted friend or loved one is: “I am here for you.” The Savior extends this invitation to ALL, and sometimes through the kind and loving hearts of others.
Elder Robert D. Hales talked about Interdependence:
“… it has become very clear to me that the true nature of the gospel plan is the interdependence we have upon one another in this life and the estate in which we now live. It is clear to me that we have imperfections of body, imperfections of mind and intellect—that we are not perfect. And for that reason, we are dependent on others. We must be self-sufficient ourselves, but that does not mean independent of help of others.”
(Elder Robert D. Hales, “We Can’t Do It Alone,” General Conference Oct. 1975)
Studies show that connecting with and serving others can actually boost our physical and mental health. One study found what they termed a “helper’s high.” They found that during service-oriented behaviors, humans experienced a hormonal release of “feel good” brain chemicals including serotonin, a mood regulator, dopamine, and oxytocin, a bonding hormone.
A foundation of faith and trust in the process of accessing the blessings of the Atonement takes time to build. I have had heartbreaking moments sitting across from someone so exhausted from a prolonged battle with mental health, ready to give up the fight. But what I often uncover is that their foundation of faith is not embedded in their hearts. Because of their lack of a foundation of faith, their power to endure crumbles. It is so important to establish and cultivate a strong and abiding relationship with our Savior to serve as preventative and protective medicine from the adversities of life.
Not only does the Savior work His miracles through others, but our Heavenly Father also has surrounded us with armies of angels on both sides of the veil. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland talked about this when he said:
“In the gospel of Jesus Christ, you have help from both sides of the veil, and you must never forget that. When disappointment and discouragement strike—and they will—you remember and never forget that if our eyes could be opened, we would see horses and chariots of fire as far as the eye can see riding at reckless speed to come to our protection. They will always be there, these armies of heaven, in defense of Abraham’s seed.”
Again, I do want to stress that sometimes, trusted others and loved ones are not enough to conquer issues of mental health and emotional anguish. Seeking professional help is essential for some complicated challenges. I encourage you to seek help before you slip into discouragement, hopelessness, and despair.
President Russell M. Nelson offered a way to access the blessings and comfort of the Atonement in his talk, “Overcome the World and Find Rest.” He said:
“My plea to you this morning is to find rest from the intensity, uncertainty, and anguish of this world by overcoming the world through your covenants with God. Let Him know through your prayers and your actions that you are serious about overcoming the world. Ask Him to enlighten your mind and send the help you need. Each day, record the thoughts that come to you as you pray; then follow through diligently.”
I would like to close with President Russell M. Nelson’s beautiful prophetic promise from this last General Conference:
“I bless you in your quest to overcome this world. I bless you to increase your faith in Jesus Christ and learn better how to draw upon His power. I bless you to be able to discern truth from error. I bless you to care more about the things of God than the things of this world. I bless you to see the needs of those around you and strengthen those you love. Because Jesus Christ overcame this world, you can too.
“Overcome the World and Find Rest,” October 2022 General Conference
I pray that you will leave this meeting today feeling an increased measure of hope and direction. I pray that you will quickly write down promptings you receive, and swiftly act on those promptings for they are manifestations of truth to you, through personal revelation. I bear witness of the reality that our Savior lives, that He loves each and every one of us, and that He is eager to lift our burdens and ease our pain.
(Previously presented as a talk for Washington Utah East Stake Conference, Oct. 4, 2022)
