The Difference Between Spirituality and Religion
Dr. Debi Gilmore, LMFT
Recently, someone asked me the following question regarding what many consider a personal “faith crisis.”
Question: I have been struggling with my faith and religious practices for quite some time. The COVID pandemic really hit me hard with all the isolation and disconnection from people. Before COVID I began to feel uncomfortable with religion because instead of feeling compassion and love, I felt shamed and convinced I would never be good enough for God. I was embarrassed when others talked of miracles and feeling loved by God. Now, I feel lost, but I also don’t want to dive back into the rigid and shaming culture that made me feel so rejected and worse about myself. I always believed in Jesus Christ because I liked the idea that somehow, He would offer me grace and forgiveness, but I really don’t know how to find a path that fits for me. Where do I start?
Answer: I am always grateful when people reach out with this powerful question because it reminds me of the importance of spirituality in my own life. During the aftermath of COVID I had this important question come up frequently, and many reported feeling the same sense of drifting and loss. They say they feel a desire to pull away from religious practices but aren’t sure where to “land.” I invite people to consider a very simple and safe process. First, find and identify your own personal spiritual values, and second, try to see spirituality and religion as two separate concepts with distinct purposes and benefits. Most importantly, I like to keep the discussion completely unbiased and absent of judgment, and the following information is shared with careful attention and sensitivity to a multitude of feelings that may arise for you.
SpiritualitySpiritual values and religion are related but distinct concepts. Spiritual values refer to the beliefs and principles that guide an individual's inner life, personal growth, and relationships with others. These values are not necessarily rooted in a particular religion. Spiritual values can come from other sources such as personal experience, intuition, or philosophical inquiry. Examples of spiritual values include compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, and mindfulness. Each of these are avenues to connect with self, and to empower our connection with loved ones and friends.
Some people report that spirituality brings them more frequent moments of happiness and fulfillment. Many suggest that spirituality is what assisted them in finding healing from mental health issues and was a key aspect in repairing their most important relationships. Interestingly, many report that spirituality makes them a better boss or leader in the organizations which they oversee. Their leadership is more empathic, less judgmental of others’ mistakes, and results in higher morale in their teams and staff.
ReligionReligion, on the other hand, refers to a formal system of beliefs, practices, and rituals related to a higher power or deity. It often involves an organized community of individuals who share these beliefs and practices. Examples of religions include Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism. Religious beliefs and practices are in place to enhance and strengthen spiritual values. Some families find religious practices a way to fortify their parenting, strengthen their marriage, and cultivate better human beings.
While spiritual values can be influenced by religion, they are not necessarily dependent on it. An individual can have spiritual values without adhering to any particular religion or being affiliated with any religious community. Similarly, an individual can be religious but not necessarily have a deep understanding or practice of spiritual values.
Here is where it is useful to talk about what causes people to drift away from religious practice. I like to refer to this as “Religious Culture” which takes hold and influences the beliefs and practices based on worldly views. Religious Culture lacks spirituality as an essential part of the practices, and the result is a worldly application of religion. This may involve a tendency to point fingers at others in criticism of sinful practices, judgment of a person’s worthiness, and prideful power that eventually backfires and drives people away.
When religious practice is not deeply influenced by humility and a reach to a higher, more perfect power, our inner spiritual self feels unsafe and unrest. When religious practice is glaringly absent of spiritual values, lacks a focus on self-reflection, self-improvement, people tend to veer off into rigidity and seeing the world and situations as “black or white.” The religions mentioned previously outline rules, roles, and policies, that provide structure and guidelines that are in place to prevent the Religious Culture from taking hold. When those policies and procedures are followed in a pure sense, they warn against rigidity, judgment of others, and shaming of those who sin.
It is important to note that religion can provide a framework for individuals to explore and develop their spiritual values. Religion can offer a community of like-minded individuals to support one's spiritual journey, as well as guidance and teachings to help individuals cultivate their inner life. However, spirituality and religion are not mutually exclusive, and one can have a meaningful spiritual life without being religious, and vice versa.
Start by Building Faith and Spirituality Faith and spirituality are an essential part of being able to battle the trials and turmoil of life. A foundation of faith can empower your most important relationships. Rebuilding your faith and finding greater levels of spirituality can be a personal and complex journey that is unique to everyone. Here are some steps that may help guide you towards finding faith:
Be open and willing: Being open to the possibility of faith is the first step towards finding it. Keep an open mind and be willing to explore different beliefs and practices.
Seek out information: Learn about different religions and spiritual practices. Read books, attend religious services, talk to people with different beliefs, and participate in spiritual communities.
Reflect on your beliefs: Take time to reflect on your beliefs and values. What is important to you? What are your guiding principles? What gives your life meaning and purpose?
Explore your spirituality: Engage in activities that bring you a sense of peace, purpose, and connection. This can include meditation, prayer, yoga, nature walks, or volunteering.
Seek guidance: Connect with those you know have strength and faith and whom you can trust. Discuss with them how they found and fortified their faith. Ask them to help you find a spiritual mentor or guide who can help you navigate your spiritual journey. This could be a religious leader, a spiritual teacher, or a trusted friend.
Practice faith: Identify practices and rituals that resonate with you. Practice those things regularly. Scripture reading can be as simple as opening the pages and praying that you will be touched with inspiration or promptings. Attend religious services, read sacred texts, and participate in rituals or ceremonies.
Be patient: Finding faith is a personal journey that takes time and patience. Be gentle with yourself and trust the process.
Reaching to a Higher PowerFor some, the cultivation and practice of spirituality may not include any deity or a submission to a higher power. However, many who consider themselves “spiritual but not religious” talk about their relationship with God, The Savior Jesus Christ, or a supreme being as the most intimate and essential part of their spiritual lives. They describe a sense of peace and a release of the pressure of having to bear the burdens of their trials alone.
The idea of being able to reach to a higher power in moments of emotional or physical pain is sustaining and empowering for them. Their daily practices in nurturing their spirituality include prayer, whether in a formal sense such as kneeling by their bed morning or night and expressing gratitude for food and nourishment before a meal, or in an informal manner by having a “conversation with God” while driving kids to school or sitting at their desk at the office. Many include a study of holy writings and find spiritual nourishment through that process of scripture study, even if their promptings and impressions are unrelated to the words on the page.
I included this section as it resonates with me and has always been a very important part of my life journey. My perspective and practice of the combination of spirituality and religion means having a relationship with my Father in Heaven, with my Savior Jesus Christ, and the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost, each of whom offers me comfort, grace, mercy, and an abundance of love. I see the hand of God all around me, and I have experienced tender mercies that just re-affirm the presence of a higher being in my life and those around me. I recognize this does not fit for all, but I would be remiss if I didn’t share my belief and perspective due to the impact it has had on my entire existence.
It is important to remember that finding faith is not a destination, but a precious journey that will lead you into becoming a better person, kinder, more compassionate, and better able to face heartache, trials, and challenges in your life. It may take time and effort, but the rewards of a meaningful spiritual life are worth it.
