Love Motivates Us to Serve—Service Motivates Us to Love

Dr. Debi Gilmore, LMFT

Brothers and Sisters, Aloha! The word “Aloha” has very special meaning for me and my husband. As you recall, two weeks ago he began his talk using the same greeting. I want to share with you why this term means so much to us. Aloha is most often associated with a greeting or a farewell. However, the word aloha can also be translated to mean: affection, peace, compassion, mercy, and even love.

When we say aloha, we are actually saying, “I offer you affection... I offer you peace... I offer you compassion... I offer you mercy... I love you.” 

One of the most powerful ways to demonstrate love is through service—which brings me to the very topic our dear Bishop invited me to discuss with you today. Not just the topic of service, but to discuss the blessings and benefits that come to us in the midst of, and as a result of serving each other.

I would like to begin with a statement, and then build my message around this statement. 

LOVE MOTIVATES US TO SERVE... AND SERVICE MOTIVATES US TO LOVE.

Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf spoke about this when he said, “Love is what inspired our Heavenly Father to create our spirits; it is what led our Savior to the Garden of Gethsemane to make Himself a ransom for our sins. Love is the grand motive of the plan of salvation; it is the source of happiness, the ever-renewing spring of healing, the precious fountain of hope.” (April 2010)

Let us imagine the night before the Savior suffered and died on the cross. I would like to invite you to imagine you are there. The Savior was having supper with his 12 disciples, and He was well aware that he would be betrayed that evening. He was acutely aware that the very next day He would willingly suffer and die on the cross as the greatest act of sacrifice for the sins of all the world. He had every reason to be preoccupied with His imminent sufferings. 

However, what is most notable and remarkable to me... and what makes this event so incredibly moving is what Our Savior chose to do with that time. He paused and took precious moments to wash the feet of His guests—a task that was usually left to the lowest servant in a man’s household. 

HE DID THIS UNDER FULL AWARENESS OF HIS OWN DIVINE DIGNITY. 

As I imagine being there... in that room with the Savior, I imagine a power beyond description. A power of His Divine Spirit. From what we read in the scriptures of the experiences people had when in the presence of the Savior, we are told that people were filled with an incredible awareness of his divine power. Those who were privileged to be in His presence were overwhelmed by His beautiful Spirit, and words seem inadequate to describe such an amazing event. 

However, I would imagine that when those who were present realized the Savior was preparing to wash their feet, the powerful Spirit of Love increased beyond measure and filled their hearts and souls with deepened emotion.

John described this precious moment in John 13: 3-5: 

“Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he was come from God, and went to God; 4 He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. 5 After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded.”

This week, as I prayerfully prepared this message and studied this event, I felt prompted to imagine that not only were the Savior’s guests moved beyond description, but that the Savior Himself was filled with an increase in the healing balm of loving service. I would like to believe that He was strengthened and comforted in anticipation for all that He would face in the next 24 hours.

I believe that the Savior served others, not DESPITE His greatness, but because of His greatness. He taught us that true greatness in the Kingdom of God consists not in position or authority, but in loving and serving one another.  

Serving Others Changes Our Spirits

When we serve and reach out in loving kindness to others, our spirits are changed. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf talked about what happens to our spirits in the midst of the acts of service: 

“As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.”

When Science Lines Up With the Gospel of Jesus Christ

What I find so exciting is that science backs this up! I love it when research lines up with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I am a great fan of research. I have to be because I use it every day in my work to be certain that the treatments I choose, and the work I do with my clients is based on sound principles. 

Our loving Heavenly Father, and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, instilled in our bodies and souls, the ability to feel joy and to experience greater mental and physical health when we serve others. I will share the research that supports this statement in a few minutes. First, I want to share with you the results of hundreds of studies have revealed that serving and connecting with others is a healing balm for our souls. The act of serving has healing properties. Serving others elevates our spirits. Serving others lifts us from the despair of our own challenges. Serving others bonds us together and expands our capacity to love others.

THE DECLINE IN MENTAL HEALTH AND WELL-BEING

It is interesting to note that those who study the well-being of humans are reporting statistics that are completely parallel to what I am seeing in my work. The following are statistics that were a part of a recent report released by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) revealing a startling increase in depression and anxiety over the past few decades.

• More than 21 million adults experienced at least one major depressive episode in the past year. 

• Depression is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. among people ages 15-44 (NIMH, 2022). 

Major studies are finding that loneliness and isolation directly impacts our physical health and triggers serious mental health complications. Over time this can result in serious medical issues. Medical professionals are beginning to connect the dots between physical calamities and chronic illness, which correlates to a decline in mental health and overall well-being. As the saying goes, “Numbers don’t lie.”

• Loneliness raises blood pressure to the point where the risk of heart attack and stroke is doubled (Hawkley, 2006)

• Emotional isolation is a health risk more dangerous than smoking or high blood pressure (Hawkley & Colleagues, 2010). 

• In men and women aged 65 and older, social disconnection and a subjective sense of isolation lead to depression (Cacioppo & Cacioppo, 2014.) 

• In high school students, isolation and loneliness predicts depression, anxiety, eating disorders, suicidal ideation, and self-harm (Loades & Colleagues, 2020). 

The Antidote to the Epidemic—Serving Others

What is the good news? Serving others is a connecting experience—and one that promotes higher levels of well-being. Serving others promotes physical, emotional, and spiritual healing, and directly addresses the epidemic statistics I just listed. 

Often, I have the opportunity to work with for Trauma Survivors. My primary quest is to help them heal and to regain the confidence they have lost. I also work to help them avoid the bitterness and apathy that can be a result of prolonged PTSD symptoms. Consistent with what the research has revealed, after an appropriate passage of time and treatment, I invite them to seek out someone to serve. I invite them to engage in lifting and building others and to immerse themselves in a cause.  Why? Because research has found that deeper meaning and purpose, and true healing of our souls can be found through serving others.

Often, when we are suffering or facing a tumultuous time in our lives—we are tempted to disconnect and isolate from others. This is a very normal response to tragedy and turmoil, however, prolonged isolation and loneliness can be damaging and detrimental to our journey to find peace and rest from the turmoil we face.

Elder Robert D. Hales spent at least the last decade of his life carrying an oxygen tank with him whereever he would go. When he was asked to speak at an assigned event, he had one of the Brethren who was assigned to assist him... sometimes to help him to the pulpit. He was definitely an expert on what it is like to have to rely on someone else in order to function in life. Elder Hales talked about the process of Interdependence: 

“…  it has become very clear to me that the true nature of the gospel plan is the interdependence we have upon one another in this life and the estate in which we now live. It is clear to me that we have imperfections of body, imperfections of mind and intellect—that we are not perfect. And for that reason we are dependent on others. We must be self-sufficient ourselves, but that does not mean independent of help of others.” (Elder Robert D. Hales, “We Can’t Do It Alone,” General Conference Oct. 1975)

Victor Frankl—A Holocost Survivor and Loving Servant

I am sure you are all familiar with Viktor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist and a Holocaust survivor. In 1942, Frankl and his parents, wife, and brother were arrested and sent to the concentration camp. In the course of 3 years, he was moved to 4 different concentrations camps, including Auschwitz. 

He began to notice many of the prisoners became deeply despondent and so depressed they became suicidal. He watched as they would attempt to take their own lives. Frankl and fellow prisoners made an effort to address the despondency they observed in other inmates. In an effort to prevent suicide attempts, Frankl and others tried to help other inmates facing severe depression by encouraging them to reflect on positive memories, scenes, and thoughts. As a result, Frankl saved numerous lives. 

What was most remarkable about this process is not only the blessed emotional support he offered the despondent prisoners, but Frankl himself was strengthened and sustained as a result of his loving service. 

In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, he describes his observations of others in the camp who had lost hope:

“Those who lost hope seemed to succumb to infection and the effects of malnutrition more readily than those who had a clear and compelling motivation for survival. What he found, was that identifying meaning and serving others in the midst of one’s suffering can be a protective factor against despair and hopelessness, even under the direst of circumstances.”

He talked about a prison guard who would periodically risk his own life to serve Frankl. At certain intervals, the prison guard would secretly slip him a piece of bread. If either were caught in this act, both the prison guard and Frankl would have been killed. Frankl talked about the impact of this tremendous act of service:

“It was far more than the small piece of bread which moved me to tears at the time. It was the human “something” that this man gave to me – the word and look which accompanied the gift.”

I believe that in that moment of service, both Frankl and the Prison Guard were lifted and edified. 

Serving Others is Healing for Body, Mind, and Spirit

Studies show that serving others can actually boost our physical and mental health. One study found what they termed a “helper’s high.” They found that during service-oriented behaviors, humans experienced a hormonal release of “feel good” brain chemicals including: Serotonin, a mood regulator; Dopamine, a feel-good chemical; and Oxytocin, the compassion and bonding hormone.

Additionally, they found significant health benefits including lower blood pressure, increased self-worth, decreased levels of depression and anxiety, and greater levels of reported well-being, happiness and satisfaction with life.

Doctrine and Covenants 59:23 counsels us to do works of righteousness. 

“He who doeth the works of righteousness shall receive his reward, even peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come.” 

I believe that the works of righteousness referred to in this scripture include serving each other, as torchbearers, angels of mercy, and as instruments in the hands of the Lord. Not only are acts of service an act of righteousness, but serving others righteously is a reciprocal experience. When we give... we receive so much more in return. This poem beautifully illustrates the ideal of reciprocal giving. 

- Poem by Lon Woodrum

I met a stranger in the night, 
Whose lamp had ceased to shine; 
I paused and let him light 
His lamp from mine. 

A tempest (storm) sprang up later on, 
And shook the world about, 
And when the wind was gone, 
My lamp was out. 

But back came to me the stranger— 
His lamp was glowing fine; 
He held the precious flame 
And lighted mine.

As I ponder on the many reasons the Savior felt prompted to give us commandment to “love one another as I have loved you,” I believe the Savior knew that “Love motivates us to serve... and service motivates us to love.” He knew that if we would obediently seek ways to love others, it would bring us the joy of reaching outside of ourselves in kindness, charity, and sacrifice of self for others. 

A Prophetic Promise of Heavenly Power

President Thomas S. Monson proclaimed a prophetic promise of the greatest and most powerful benefit of serving others: 

“Let us examine our lives and determine to follow the Savior’s example by being kind, loving, and charitable. And as we do so, we will be in a better position to call down the powers of heaven for ourselves, for our families, and for our fellow travelers in this sometimes-difficult journey back to our heavenly home.”

Testimony and Closing

I know the Savior lives, and that He loves each and every one of us. I know our Savior wants us to experience joy in the midst of the difficulties of this life. The message I bring to you today is that all the evidence points to the power of loving service that can heal us, guide us, and bring us back home to live with our Heavenly Parents. 

(Previously presented for Sienna Hills Ward, June 26, 2022)