CRISIS OF FAITH OR SEEKER OF TRUTH?
Dr. Debi Gilmore LMFT
Have you been struggling with doubts and wondering if your pleadings with heaven have been pointless? Are you someone who considers themselves in a faith crisis? In my clinical practice I have had the privilege of sitting with clients who come in with painful experiences and aching hearts. When I listen intently to their story I see that they are truly grieving from the loss of connections with loved ones and friends who have become distant and withdrawn. They feel judged, misunderstood, and a bit wobbly in direction. Meaning and purpose is fleeting. What they long for, but cannot find is acceptance and a sense of emotional safety in their present state of questioning.
Recently, a client came to me with deep heartache and turmoil since they began to feel confused about what they believed regarding spirituality, religion, and faith in general. They asked for my help with this, desperately wanting new direction and personal peace. They said that when they began to talk about their struggle with faith, their loved ones and close friends stopped talking to them. When they visited close family, they were often confronted with what felt like criticism, unhelpful advice, and strong preaching. This made them feel judged as if their present struggle was a sin. At one family gathering one of their family members suggested their questions were dangerous and guilty of murmurring. As a result, my client felt like they were being labeled an unbeliever and subsequently shunned for feeling unrest about faith and religious practices. Naturally, because their questions were unwelcome, they began to isolate from those with whom they used to feel safe.
I began the session by carefully and respectfully asking a very important question. I said, “Just so I can understand where you are today, can I ask you how you feel about Jesus Christ?” The client sat motionless and visibly moved by my question. I noticed they struggled to speak. I asked, “What just happened?” This client looked at me with painful emotion in their eyes and finally found the words, “No one has asked me this… I love the Savior.”
I was struck by this declaration and gently approached them with, “Oh, wow… I hope you are ok with this observation. I don’t experience you as an unbeliever. This tender love you have for Jesus Christ is the purest form of faith, and a beautiful, solid foundation. What an amazing place to start your journey! I wonder if you would be willing to try something new… to change the label you have accepted as a “crisis of faith? What if you considered yourself a “Seeker of Truth?” I noticed a shift in their eyes, a softening of their face, and a look of interest as I continued to help them understand what it meant to be a seeker of truth.
Being a seeker of truth means actively exploring and searching for deeper meaning, connection, and understanding beyond the material world. It’s about questioning, reflecting, and growing in awareness of yourself, life, and a power greater than yourself.
Recently, a client came to me with deep heartache and turmoil and asked for my help with this, desperately wanting new direction and personal peace. They said that when they began to talk about their struggle with faith, their loved ones and close friends stopped talking to them. When they visited close family, they were often confronted with what felt like criticism, unhelpful advice, and strong preaching. This made them feel judged as if their present struggle was a sin. At one family gathering they were labeled an unbeliever and shunned for feeling unrest about faith and what they believed. Naturally, they began to isolate from those with whom they used to feel safe.
I told my client that I believed they have been seriously misunderstood, and that they, themselves misunderstood their own journey. I then said, “I wonder if what you are longing for is to be loved and accepted just the way the Savior loved and accepted others. Is that right?” Yes, the client again fell into emotion and I could tell this was exactly what they needed.
If my client’s story is familiar to you, and you find yourself struggling with your faith. Maybe it would be useful to consider yourself a seeker, rather than labeling yourself as someone in a “faith crisis.”
Some signs of a Seeker of Truth:
• Practicing meditation, prayer, and personal reflection.
• Prayerfully asking deep questions about personal meaning and purpose.
• Listen and watch for answers to those questions that will come over time.
• Seeking peace, inner growth, and alignment with values.
• Feeling drawn to nature, energy, or a sense of interconnectedness.
• Studying the writings of scripture, and in particular, passages that teach of Christ and His great mission to redeem all from the bonds of death
If you are struggling with faith and self-discovery, there are some things I suggest you consider. Instead of asking the world for answers, and cruising the internet to find answers, consider the following “First Steps,” which has always brought my clients incredible momentum. Start with the application of the greatest commandment of all: to love.
The following is a simple 3-step plan that will guide you toward healing, peace, and the faith you thought you lost.
Step 1: Seek to feel and understand God’s love for you. Allow your heart to open to Him and love Him in return. Look for evidence of His hand in your life—moments I call tender mercies.
Step 2: Seek for those who need your love—you may be surprised by how many around you are hurting in some way. Seek for those who mourn, or suffer emotionally, physically, mentally, and temporally. Offer them service in small and simple ways, which really is an expression of the most beautiful form of love. Notice how it makes you feel to brighten someone’s day, to lift another’s burden, or to just sit with someone experiencing loss or disappointment.
Step 3: Notice the increase of love you have for yourself as you reach outside of yourself to touch other’s lives. The connection you feel with God and those around you will increase your capacity to love yourself. The ability to love and accept yourself is essential in your journey to find truth and peace.
What about those you know who are struggling with their faith? How do you handle their questions?
Most importantly, if you have someone in your circle of loved ones who is struggling with their faith, and has questions that may have caused you concern, consider this: Aren’t we all seekers? Shouldn’t we all be asking questions and seeking truth every day of our lives? What these souls need most is love, acceptance, a sense of emotional safety in their time of questioning, and also a sense that they are not alone in their quest. They need to know that their questions are welcome, and their journey is not sinful. They need to know that you are there for them, and that they are welcome and loved—acceptable in their struggle.
When they ask a question or bring up a concern you cannot answer, offer to pray with them to seek direction. You don’t have to have all the answers… they just need to know that their present state of unrest is actually part of a very important journey… helping them stretch, grow, and gather truth.
I have loved working with Seekers of Truth, and I am often overwhelmed by the transformation I witness in them as they follow these steps. I learn from their journey, and I am so grateful they felt safe to reach out to me. My own faith has increased as I sit with them in moments of struggle and confusion and am acutely aware of their overwhelming desire to feel loved and accepted in their journey. Most impactful and fulfilling for me is when I imagine the Savior’s love pouring into their heart, and His desire for them to know that we should all be in the process of Seeking for Truth.
