The Power of Women With Quiet Confidence
Dr. Debi Gilmore LMFT
Throughout my life, I have been deeply moved by women who quietly and steadily influence the world for good. Some lead publicly. Others lead within their homes, neighborhoods, churches, and friendships. What they share in common is not volume or dominance, but clarity about who they are and a willingness to use their voice with courage and love.
For generations, many women across cultures have experienced limitations in education, leadership, public speech, and influence. History reflects seasons when women’s contributions were overlooked or constrained. While progress has been made in many parts of the world, there are still places where women struggle to be fully heard or valued.
This reflection is not about elevating women above men, nor about diminishing the essential and sacred influence of men. Rather, it is about honoring the divine worth and partnership of both. When women and men stand as equal contributors—each bringing unique strength, wisdom, and perspective—families and communities flourish.
We can look back at remarkable examples of women who used their voices at great personal cost. Women who wrote, led, discovered, advocated, and believed—even when the world resisted them. Their courage paved the way for greater opportunity today. Their stories remind us that influence does not require aggression; it requires conviction anchored in purpose.
The Relational Risk of Having a Voice
While cultural progress matters, many of the most tender struggles around “having a voice” happen within relationships. As a marriage and family therapist, I often see how difficult it can feel—especially for women—to express needs, hurt, or differing opinions when there is fear of rejection, dismissal, or conflict.
Sometimes silence becomes a strategy for preserving connection:
“If I don’t rock the boat, everything will be okay.”
“If I say how I feel, I might lose closeness.”
“It’s safer to stay quiet.”
This is not weakness. It is protection.
Our attachment system is wired with important questions:
Are you there for me?
Do I matter to you?
Is it safe to show you how I really feel?
If I risk vulnerability, will you respond with care?
When someone’s experience has taught them that reaching out leads to criticism or withdrawal, they may cope by going quiet, becoming overly self-reliant, over-functioning, or avoiding conflict entirely. Others may protest more intensely, repeating themselves, escalating emotion, or expressing anger that sits on top of hurt and fear.
Underneath both silence and protest is the same longing: I want to matter. I want to feel safe with you.
Finding a Secure Voice
The invitation is not to become louder, harsher, or more forceful. In fact, volume and aggression often create defensiveness and distance. True influence—especially lasting influence—flows from clarity, steadiness, and love.
In my clinical work, I often encourage spouses to respond to vulnerability with phrases like, “I’m so glad you told me that.” When safety is created in those small moments, something powerful happens. A woman (or anyone) who feels received rather than rejected begins to speak with more calm confidence and less fear.
When women discover they can speak honestly and still remain connected, security grows. And secure voices change families.
Speaking with Faith and Purpose
From a faith-centered perspective, women are not accidents in God’s design. They are daughters of a loving Heavenly Father with divine gifts, spiritual discernment, and sacred influence. Their voices matter in homes, in communities, in professional settings, and in the Church.
President Russell M. Nelson has spoken of women who:
Teach fearlessly
Speak with moral courage and discernment
Detect harmful trends
Contribute fully in counsel and in marriage
Express belief with confidence and charity
These invitations are not about contention; they are about contribution. They are not about overpowering others; they are about strengthening the body of Christ through unique spiritual gifts.
The most powerful women I know do not seek to overrule others. They seek to uplift. They lead with humility and conviction. They know who they are. They do not shrink, but neither do they attack. Their confidence is rooted in identity, not comparison.
Moving from Insecurity to Security
Developing a secure voice takes practice. It often includes:
Speaking clearly and directly, without apology for existing
Learning to tolerate the discomfort that sometimes comes with truth
Choosing respect and kindness, even when addressing hard things
Trusting that God can magnify small, faithful efforts
There are many beautiful ways women can use their voice for good:
Creating emotional safety in the home
Contributing equally in marriage conversations
Teaching, mentoring, and nurturing faith
Writing, speaking, creating content that uplifts
Engaging in community service
Having one meaningful conversation at a time
A voice can express admiration, encouragement, clarity, compassion, and moral courage. It can calm fear. It can strengthen children. It can guide a marriage. It can bring light into dark places.
A Gentle Self-Reflection
If this topic resonates with you, consider asking yourself:
Do I feel safe using my voice? If not, what fears surface for me?
When I speak, do I strive for clarity with kindness?
How can I create greater safety for the voices of others in my home?
Where might my influence bring more light?
What is one small, faithful step I could take toward speaking with greater confidence?
Speaking up and speaking out does not always mean standing on a stage. Often it means leaning toward connection instead of shrinking from it. It means trusting that truth, spoken with charity, carries spiritual power. Women of faith do not need to shout to change the world. Through quiet courage, spiritual conviction, and loving leadership, they already are.
