PROVEN IN THE CRUCIBLE OF ADVERSITY
Dr. Debi Gilmore, LMFT
Can you recall a time when you felt desperately alone in your suffering? Maybe it was a time you believed would never subside, and the painful process appeared to be prolonged, unfair, and utterly lonely. Maybe you came to the point that you wondered, “Am I being punished? What am I supposed to learn from this?? Will this ever pass?” In President Eyring’s recent talk, “Proved and Strengthened in Christ,” (October 2025 General Conference, he shared a very personal battle with his college courses in physics and math. He came to the point that he believed he was incapable of learning the material.
Reading about his experience reminded me of a frustrating, prolonged and agonizing experience I had while in my undergraduate program at BYU. I knew that math would not be an important aspect of my profession as a marriage and family therapist. I knew that I would be going on to graduate studies and that computers now had the capability of calculating statistics for research. I didn’t need to memorize equations and understand combinations of numbers that those in the tech world and engineering fields did need.
I decided to see if I could test out of the math requirements. As rigorous as BYU tended to be, to my surprise I learned I could indeed test out of the math requirements. All I had to do was pass the final culminating exam. If I successfully passed that exam, I would be free and clear of all the hours and semesters of math courses required of all students seeking a bachelor’s degree.
I signed up for an independent study course and with a bit of worry and trepidation I immersed myself in learning all that was necessary to pass the dreaded exam. After studying material in the first section of the course I took a practice test and was discouraged to find the questions had nothing to do with what I had studied.
I hired a tutor, went to the BYU Math Lab, and still struggled with the practice exams. Finally, I decided to buy a book that was a parallel self-driven study program to see if that program might fill in the gaps and would help me more thoroughly learn college algebra. When I felt ready, I sat down and took another practice exam, only to fail and not be able to answer much of anything on that test.
Several weeks and months later, as I prayerfully plead with the Lord to help me with this dilemma, I felt prompted to ask for a meeting with the head of the BYU Math department. I successfully secured the meeting. When I entered her office and sat across from her, she was very kind and asked, “What can I do for you?” I explained the weeks and months of what I had been struggling with and asked for her help. I wondered if she had any ideas that might help me get over this barrier and avoid having to take all the required math courses.
Surprisingly, she actually agreed with me that math would be somewhat unnecessary for my future career. She logged into my account and took a look at what I had been studying and looked deeper into the accompanying practice exams.
The look on her face was one of absolute dread and horror. She turned and asked, “How long have you been working on this?” I said, “Well… at least a few months.” She then said, “I am so profoundly sorry. You have been tested on trigonometry and calculus, and you were studying college algebra.”
I silently (working to avoid any expressions of disrespect on my face) thought, “What??? Really?? I mean… Seriously?? Oh wow… now it made so much sense, but I am so tired of all the hard and agonizing work.” She then said, “We would love to be able to grant you the credits, but you must pass that exam to show you know the material. I promise you that if you will take that final exam, it will be solely on the material you have studied.”
I left her office, mustering up all the courage I could, and walked straight to the testing center. I took the exam and aced it. Yes, I achieved a perfect score. I was done with the math requirement at last!!
Why didn’t the Lord rescue me? Why did He allow me to suffer for so long? What was He doing with me? Later I realized the anguish and dedication required to navigate this rough experience helped me find greater resilience, fortitude, and patience in all the years of study that would follow as I sought my masters and doctoral degrees.
This story is similar in nature to President Eyring’s agonizing journey trying to study and learn physics and math. He came to the point where he wanted to give up and quit. He knelt and approached the Lord and through the Spirit was reminded of the scripture found in Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Then, the voice that spoke to his mind said, “I am proving you, but I am also with you.”
The term “proving” carries with it multiple meanings. However, in President Eyring’s experience it was not referring to his need to prove to the Lord his worthiness for love and help. President Eyring talked about the process of proving steel, and the purpose of that process.
When steel goes through the purification process it is placed in a large crucible and into a furnace of over 1,832 °F. When it begins to melt it goes through a density separation process. The impurities (called slag) rise to the top and fuse together into a glassy mass. When the metal is poured into molds, they can chip the slag off and what is left is purified, proven steel that is the strongest money can buy.
Why must steel be proven? Pipes and bars or anything made by proven steel can be trusted to bear incredible tonnage for decades. Massive bridges and tall multiple story buildings can be reinforced by proven steel. Unproven steel is weak, impure, and cannot be trusted over time.
President Eyring said, “The Lord proves us in much the same way to strengthen us. That proving does not come in moments of ease or comfort. It comes in moments when we feel stretched beyond what we thought we could bear.” But he also pointed out that we must never tire in our efforts and continue to press forward. The Lord will pick up the slack and actually pleads with us to come unto Him and allow Him to carry the yolk (Matthew 11:28-30).
It is also important to point out that in the midst of our suffering, we are never alone. The Lord does not relish in our suffering but recognizes that the crucible of adversity is the experience which offers us the most growth. President Eyring said, “Proving moments are not evidence that the Lord has abandoned you. Rather, they are evidence that He loves you enough to refine and strengthen you.”
Throughout the scriptures we find evidence of the proving process, and the suffering of those who were persecuted for their faith and practices. Recall the experience of Alma’s people. Amulon has been persecuting Alma and his people and threatened them that they would be put to death if they prayed to God.
In Mosiah 24:14 the Lord said: “And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs.” The Lord brought Alma’s faithful people the peace and comfort He promised them.
The following scripture outlines their experience. “And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:15)
Recently, in a presentation to a group of women I asked, “Does the Lord expect us to figure out some things on our own?”Many responded the way I anticipated they would. “Yes, of course we are expected to do our part and not rely on the Lord for every decision we make.” Many do believe that when we do things on our own initiative it demonstrates our faith and commitment to obedience and sacrifice. I completely understood their response… but I was profoundly concerned about how this completely conflicts with the Savior’s consistency in His teachings about His role in our lives, collectively, and individually. Oh my… They really believe there are certain things they have to figure out on their own!
My heart sprang to attention and the Spirit said, no… wait a minute… the Savior’s arms are always outstretched to rescue us at any moment we need His help. However, I needed to collect the evidence to back up the Spirit’s prompting. I couldn’t rely just on my own prompting. This was a collection of incredibly strong and faithful women. I needed to find doctrinal evidence to support the alarm I felt in my soul.
My deep concern about the collective response from those in that meeting resulted in a journey to gather all the quotes, scriptures, and teachings of our Prophets, Apostles, General Leaders, and scriptures to clarify the Lord’s role in our lives. I was blessed beyond measure, and with an abundance of inspired information that became so exciting I couldn’t stop the research.
In the midst of my gathering, I realized that my question could be revised slightly to clarify the intent of the question and firm up the principle I wanted to rerinforce. Maybe a better question would be, “Does the Lord expect us to figure out some things without His companionship?” No. Elder David A. Bednar clarifies and reinforces the Lord’s constant presence and companionship in each of our lives. “We are not and never need be alone. We can press forward in our daily lives with heavenly help. Through the Savior’s Atonement we can receive capacity and strength beyond our own.” (Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease, April 2014)
One scripture that tends to be a favorite of many is found in Proverbs 3:5-6. “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct they paths.”
The word “all” carries a powerful and important meaning in this scripture. The world “all” implies that nothing has been omitted, ignored, abated, or taken away. Therefore, if we were to follow this counsel from our Savior, we would be wise to ask, “Did He really mean in ALL our ways acknowledge Him? Does He really care about my personal paths that I am navigating?”
Sister Bonnie Cordon talked about the significance of the word “lean” when she said (2017):
“
In English the word lean has a connotation of physically listing or moving to one side. When we physically lean toward one side or another, we move off center, we are out of balance, and we tip. When we spiritually lean to our own understanding, we lean away from our Savior. If we lean, we are not centered; we are not balanced; we are not focused on Christ.” (Trust in the Lord and Lean Not, April 2017)
I think of those times when we are in the firey furnace of life’s burdens. Sometimes it might be easy to believe we are alone. It may feel as if the Lord is silent, and we might tell ourselves our life is insignificant with so many billions of God’s children. “How could my pain be a concern for Him?” When we are tempted to believe we are alone in our adversity and challenges, it is helpful to remember what Jeffrey R. Holland said:
“You can have sacred, revelatory, profoundly instructive experience with the Lord in the most miserable experiences of your life—in the worst settings, while enduring the most painful injustices, when facing the most insurmountable odds and opposition you have ever faced. When we are in dire circumstances and want to cry “Where art Thou?” it is imperative that we remember He is right there with us—where He has always been! And when we weep, He and the Angels of heaven weep with us." (Lessons from Liberty Jail, BYU Speeches 2009)
On my personal journey to find any scriptural reference that reinforces the prompting I received from the Spirit, I came across Doctrine and Covenants 100:12 that offers beautiful reassurance of the Lord’s commitment to be with us always. It says, “Therefore, continue your journey and let your hearts rejoice; for behold, and lo, I am with you even unto the end.”
I was richly rewarded as I dove into the study of this principle of the Lord’s companionship, His promise to never leave us alone, and His plea to “Come Unto Him.” I found tremendous peace, clarity, and comfort in this process of finding such an abundance of the Lord’s teachings that feel to me as if the Savior is pleading with us to allow Him to be with us. Could it be that He longs for us to reach for His help? Could it be that He truly does understand our individual pain?
It is my hope, and my loving invitation for you to ponder on your own present anguish and the difficult burdens you must carry. As you bring those weighty and relentless trials to the forefront allow the following statement made by Elder Bednar to be your very personal promise customized for you:
“There is no physical pain, no spiritual wound, no anguish of soul or heartache, no infirmity or weakness you or I ever confront in mortality that the Savior did not experience first. In a moment of weakness we may cry out, “No one knows what it is like. No one understands.
“But the Son of God perfectly knows and understands, for He has felt and borne our individual burdens. And because of His infinite and eternal sacrifice, He has perfect empathy and can extend to us His arm of mercy. He can reach out, touch, succor, heal, and strengthen us to be more than we could ever be and help us to do that which we could never do relying only upon our own power. Indeed, His yoke is easy and His burden is light.” (Bear Up Their Burdens with Ease, April 2014)
I pray that you and I will dedicate our faith and exercise the courage to watch for the Savior’s perfect love, His grace, in our lives, to call out to Him for help, and to be aware of the relief He does send through tender mercies that confirm His undying love for each one of us individually.
